Hi

actually I did forget about this heart break day by day, but it suddenly makes me galau when I was listening Ost. Athena I love you by Taeyeon, I like it from the first time I heard, and when I search the lyric, it deeply touch my heart.

Naega mianhaeyo miaenhayo.. Keudae iji mothaseo...

That memories suddenly came out, when we’re first meet in the branch of road and the last time I saw him disappear and I was always waiting that time when we can meet again, but he will never come back anymore. I know it’s not something good to remember but I just miss those moment, when I have someone to talk always at night, evethough I happily have a bestfriend to chat with anytime, the one whom I can share anything without doubting.

Maybe it will be better if I tell you about what I did this holiday, it was lovely thing to do actually, without college. Sewing at day, watching Korean drama at night. But it will officially over soon. I have to go back to campus tomorrow. Hopefully it will be a lovely thing to do too.

I should be happy that I am 20 and I have my own money to buy anything I need without asking to my parent anymore. Evethough sometimes it makes me tired to do all of this alone, buy fabrics, cut, sew, package, and send it to beloved customer, but I do love this job. Eventhough some people humiliate this, I know, they’re making some jokes from what we did when searching for customer or something else, but they just envy, they just don’t know what to do, they just too happy with their life.

But this is just me and what I have to through to be happy.

I am 20

Everyone certainly ever thought that if they have a time in their life where everything could just stop. The world would stop turning, and people would stop changing, because to them everything was perfect, and the perfect time for me is when my birthday. Everyone's so kind and wished me all the best.

So I would like to say billion thanks for you all who has make any efforts to tweeting, commenting, posting, surpriseing, rememberin and anything for my birthday. Thanks. Love you all.

Hell o 2013

I feel it's something weird when I say or hear someone say 2013. I don't know why, but it's not something that would be good, I thought. It's already 15 day passed, time still keeps running.

It's always so hard and become so hard to trough this way, abandoned by a fcking ex-boyfriend who is a married man, parents who occasionally quarrel, facing someone who lately act strange on me on campus, lectures that become revolting, making false pretense for customer, spending my hard-earned money for nothing.

It hurts to smile actually, I feel like I'm going to burst into tears. There's just some days like this when it all seems to be wrong and nothing feels right. Don't tell me it's gonna be alright, because I know that too. It's just that… right now. It just hurts so bad.  It feels like you're being thrown into a train track, but the train only hits your heart. Continuously. Over and over again without failure.

Hello 2013, I just wanna be happy.

. . .

It's always difficult to start to write about my random feelings, but I really wanna share it here, on my beloved blog, unless it can ease my mind.

Let me tell about an awkward moment that I've been feeling lately on my college. It looks like some friends has changed. I know why they're become like that, as I become a lazy girl who  rarely came to campus and hanging out with them. What I did is just come to campus, listen to lecturer and make some note when I'm in a good mood to learn, and when the class is over I go home or somewhere, leaving campus. Customers order is waiting for me, as you know.

But it become so creepy lately, I'm getting lazy for college not because I have to rush the order, but because I'm afraid to face my friends statements or something kinda veiled judgement for me. Such as tumben kuliah, sehh rajin, wah rupanya ada belajar qe yaa... Although maybe it's just  a joke, but sometimes it hurts my heart so deep. Whereas I have been considered them as my closest friend on campus. For example in case, if we had to make a group by two person, I'm one of those person who didn't know with whom to make. It seems like no one wanna be my friend in group, poor me. I'm extremely depressed thinking of this, I was crying on the way home yesterday, yeah I'm still so whiny.

I really don't wanna feel this way anymore, I had to choose college as my first needs now, and they're included on that. Hopefully it would be better tomorrow and the next day, I no longer feel offended because of that usual statements, actually.

You're the reason why I look forward to tomorrow

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily 
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make 
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use 
The tools and gifts we got, we got a lot at stake
 And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend 
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in 
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not 
And who I am 
No, I won't give up 
God knows we're worth it. 
I won't give up. - Jason Mraz

It's good to know that now I have someone who'll not have the intentions of breaking my heart. Instead, he would be willing to mend it, picking up the broken pieces of my heart that my past love have scattered in the ground. He may not be able to put the pieces back to where they really belong, but I shouldn't mind, because he had repaired that heart of mine, and he fixed it in his own way. He loves me in his own way, not the way my past did. He fixed my heart in a different way, to keep me from feeling the pains of my past heartache and to make me feel the love, that he's unselfishly giving. 

Even though it's always a little thing mess between us but I won't give up easily, I will fight for what I want. I can’t just throw away all the hard work and time I put into him. I won’t just give up because times are hard. I will keep fighting for what I want until I can’t fight anymore, until giving up is the only option left. I can’t promise him a perfect relationship without arguments or something else, However, I can promise him as long as he's trying, I’m staying. 

I won’t give up on us.